chronicles of an unwilling MPDG
also: i explain the messy girl aesthetic, and everything i've been wearing lately
Hello, my dear readers, and welcome if you are new here! The theme of this week is: emotional terrorism by twenty-something guys. A boy who I stopped seeing like a month ago sent me two pages of notes app poetry out of nowhere, then said, “not about you specifically, just in general.” You could not make this up if you tried. I feel like I’m going insane.
Same notes app boy, moments earlier over text: I don’t do a good job at showing it, and I’m very absorbed in myself, but I cared a lot about you and was extremely intrigued by you.
Don’t worry, I’m holding myself accountable by telling all of you that I will never be responding to him again. Something about me makes men act out in the most unhinged of ways. One of my exes even has me blocked on Linkedin. As if I would ever try to contact him there.
It’s ok though, because to be honest I’m kind of used to this. It’s all very predictable: boy meets me, is “intrigued” because i’m not like the other girls (i know, rolling my eyes). if he’s a finance or tech dude, he’s intrigued by my creative/edgy girl energy made acceptable by me still having a normal 9-5. If he’s a writer or producer type, he’s intrigued by my straight-edged nerdy side, made acceptable because I still went to liberal arts school and have a very unprofessional blog/social media presence that could possibly get me fired someday. I was discussing this with a friend who’s kind of the boy version of me, and he has a similar experience dating here. The west village girls gravitate toward him because he’s different and risky, and the east side/brooklyn girls gravitate toward him because he has a real job and can actually pay for shit. A tale as old as time.
I’m bored of being the object onto which dudes project all of their fantasies and assumptions without actually seeing!! Which brings me to the point of this blog, which is: I am declaring my manic pixie dreamgirl phase officially OVER. Why should I be the mysterious side character of someone’s life when they’re not even the interesting one? I refuse to entertain anyone who is unworthy going forward. All men I go on multiple dates with must: A) be actually emotionally intelligent, B) be actually interesting AND hot, and C) not take me for granted. Seems easy enough, right? Well, you’re wrong, grandma! they don’t make em like they used to anymore.
This whole MPDG syndrome is a relatively new issue for me. My whole life, I’ve been more of a Blair: responsible, calculated, put-together, aloof, and in control, always. But then, a couple months back, a friend called me a Serena for the first time ever, and I realized how dire the situation has become. I don’t want to be the crazy, all-over-the-place, scattered, attention-seeking party girl, as fun as it can be in the short term. (BTW, I’m not saying being attention-seeking is a bad thing at all.) Kudos to the girls who can sustain the lifestyle, but I’ve personally found it difficult to be the best friend I can be and fulfill all of my responsibilities while in this phase.
Aesthetically, I’ve been leaning into a vibe I like to call the messy girl. Obviously everyone has realized by now how dumb and boring the “that girl” trend was, so indie sleaze, night luxe, and the messy girl are its aesthetic replacements. I never even attempted to be “that girl” because I knew I could never pull it off. Everyone knows I eat like shit and stay up too late and am generally not that put-together from an eating/working out/slicked back bun perspective.
Examples of things that fall under the messy girl aesthetic:
disorganized but clean apartment
rockstar’s gf aesthetic
loose, unstyled hair
imperfect eye makeup
ripped tights
doing unhealthy things in moderation and making mistakes but not regretting anything, just learning and appreciating those experiences
Ex 1. Cecilia’s room in Atonement has huge messy-yet-elegant girl energy.
Ex 2. ^not to mention the GREEN DRESS. Which, by the way, Cecilia still looked bomb in, even moments after having impromptu library sex, which is the epitome of messy girl energy.
Ex 3. Rob, Zoë Kravitz’s character in High Fidelity.
Ex 4. Pam Anderson had huge messy girl energy while she was in love with Tommy Lee <3. being chased by the paparazzi and getting in huge fights in hotel rooms with your boyfriend is verrrry messy yet chic.
Ex 5. smudged makeup, torn sleeve, layered mismatched bracelets and necklaces, the hoodie over the slip dress!!
Ex 6. devon aoki’s whole vibe and unstyled hair
Ex 7. mia thermopolis showing up late soaking wet to her own gala and still killing her speech in the Princess Diaries (1998) was the ultimate messy girl moment.
The messy girl vibe is much more interesting than “that girl” because it’s not about striving for perfection. It’s about letting go of the anxiety and leaning into the effortlessness and inherent sexiness that comes from not sweating the small details of an outfit, like hair, accessories, or worrying about following trends.
And, the messy girl aesthetic is not nearly as toxic as indie sleaze or that girl, as distinguished by these key differences:
It’s not solely nihilistic/self-destructive just for the sake of it (e.g. being a party girl just for the aesthetic)
It’s not totally anti-girlboss, because you can still be a hot “messy girl” while achieving your goals and wanting to succeed, but the goal is not to be the best corporate/rich girlboss ever, but rather to get good at something you genuinely love and enjoy doing, that’s all.
I broke my blog camera in lamest way possible by shoving the SD card too far into it and it’s awful. Hence my lack of sexy y2k pics, but to conclude this blog here’s an iphone photo diary to catch you up.
thank you for reading!!
<3,
esmé
ur outfits are slaying btw